Dating Under Quarantine with Bela Gandhi
Have any burning questions about dating? If so, this episode of Dope Ass Podcast is for you. This week we’re talking to Bela Gandhi of Smart Dating Academy. Bela breaks dating down and makes the case for why you need to work on yourself and be fully ready before the right person can come into your life. She’s also sharing some important tips for dating under quarantine so tune in and take notes!
Bela Gandhi’s parents were immigrants, and their cultural beliefs around relationships and marriage shaped how Bela approached dating. Dating apps are great to use, but no amount of dating will lead you to the right person before you’ve truly worked on yourself. Bela started the Smart Dating Academy and is our guest today on the Dope Ass Podcast. She talked to Andrea about some of the top questions she sees around dating.
You’ll want to listen if:
- You keep picking the same person over and over
- You just want closure from your last breakup
- You aren’t sure about the idea of “sexclusivity”
- You want to date but COVID-19 is cramping your style
Whether you’re currently partnered or you’re still looking, Bela has advice to foster strong relationships.
[01:10] - Smart Dating Academy
[07:33] - Starting with new clients
[09:34] - Online dating apps
[12:05] - Psychotically optimistic
[15:55] - Hidden red flags
[17:47] - Ghosting
[20:17] - Too Hot to Handle
[24:16] - Sending nudes
[27:59] - Dating after divorce
[31:24] - Friendly feedback
[33:24] - COVID dating
[37:10] - Chemistry
[39:20] - Built to last
Bela Gandhi is the Founder of the Smart Dating Academy. She has an uncanny sixth sense about people, and what they need. Her intuition has been responsible for several marriages (and children)! The Huffington Post and Steve Harvey call her "The Fairy Godmother of Dating!"
Bela has been connecting people all of her life. Prior to founding the Smart Dating Academy, Bela worked for 12 years as a top global executive for Akzo Nobel, a large multinational corporation. Bela has two degrees from The University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign (Finance & German), and has been happily married for 20 years with 2 children.
FIX YOUR PICKER
On this week’s episode of the Dope Ass Podcast, I sat down with dating expert and founder of Smart Dating Academy, Bela Gandhi to talk shop on dating for marriage. And let me tell ya, she really had some words to the wise.
The main takeaway? Those who don’t learn from their dating history are doomed to repeat it.
Bela learned this through her own experiences, going through several failed relationships in college. She knew that she was part of the problem, so she got to fixing her picker. All this means is she zoned in on what didn’t work in each relationship, and found that she was not seeking traits in her partners that would ultimately establish a lasting bond. She recalibrated and landed on her husband, and now she helps people do the exact same thing.
What it really comes down to is breaking patterns. As Bela revealed, we are usually drawn to people who remind us of past relationships. This could be anything from the challenging relationship you had with your mom growing up, or your last partner, who clearly wasn’t a fit. Newsflash: if you couldn’t fix things with the last person, you won’t be able to make things work here. Instead of letting chemistry or a natural attraction take the driver's seat, it’s up to you to really think about what you need from a partner.
And, you guessed it! That probably won’t entail their height, passport stamps or paycheck. At the end of the day, a good relationship is one that can survive anything — sickness, health and even six weeks under a stay-at-home order. And of course, this relationship only comes if you’re willing to put in the work to identify past patterns and break them with new, healthy ones.
This involves self-awareness, but it also means taking your blinders off. Red flags are always there from the start, we just typically allow ourselves to ignore them. One of Bela’s top RFs? If someone says they hate drama. According to her expertise, what they really mean is that they’re going to bring drama because they are unable to respect your feelings. And honestly, I think we can all drink to that.
Some of her other advice? Don’t send nudes unless you’re cool with them going viral and wait to seal the deal until three months into the relationship ;) The first, because you can’t trust anyone, the second because it’s female biology to get attached after sex, and there’s no need to go throwing away your power like that.
Of course, that’s advice that really only applies in a non-socially distanced world. For now, Bela recommends getting on apps and meeting people virtually if you’re single. What’s more exciting is that she really thinks video dates work — and even thinks we should keep them up when we go back to normal, because they’re a great way to suss someone out, without taking off your PJ bottoms or paying for a drink.
So who knows, hopping on a Tinder video date might just be part of the new pattern you develop on the path to picking the love of your life.
Only way to tell is if you get on out there!
On the Dope Ass Podcast, Andrea Levoff and her roster of hilarious, inspirational, and always-opinionated guests are tackling everything from motherhood to fashion to travel and spirituality---with a seriously dope ass lens. But don’t take our word for it. Learn more about your dope ass host and her mission to make everyone see the world through hot pink-colored glasses at https://www.andrealevoff.com/.
This podcast episode was produced by Dante32.